Although it may be a bit late, this is an article I wrote shortly before Christmas for my features portfolio. Do you think it's true? Read on...
This celebration was originally a religious one, so why has it turned into everyone’s worst nightmare (even if we don’t have the courage to admit it out loud)?
You buy things you wouldn’t normally buy, just because it is Christmas. The panic in the shops leading up to Christmas is unbelievable, it’s as if the end of the world is just around the corner and people are stocking up to prepare for a disaster. Walking around the town centre, carols blast out from loud speakers and Father Christmas is rings his bell and shouts ‘Ho, ho, ho’ only to be ignored by harassed shoppers.
People expect you to be nice just because of the season, even though they'll use every opportunity to take advantage of that niceness to wangle more money out of you. And how much precious cash do we spend on other people, sometimes people we don’t even know…or like?
What’s with having a tree inside your house? Where did that come from? All it does is drop pine needles all over the floor, ready to be hovered up again. This happens at least ten times every hour. Little chocolates that you can hang on your tree are pointless, before they even reach the tree, they have disappeared into the hungry mouths of greedy children, or adults who have no self-control.
Advent calendars. This year we have been flooded with Ben Ten, who has heard of Ben Ten! It’s a cartoon, and the shelves were stacked with them. No doubt these will be selling for 50p in the clearance corner come 1st December.
It is one big competition down most streets to see who can provide the most outrageously glowing house, along with a tacky Father Christmas, bought from one of those tacky shops open only for the festive season, screeching Jingle Bells to every passer-by.
Television provides us with Christmas specials that are played on repeat with hundreds of countdowns of Christmas songs, Christmas adverts, Christmas films, Christmas gadgets…Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, are you not sick of the word yet?
The house is stuffed with food, you can hardly navigate your way around the kitchen and every cupboard is bursting at the seams. The reindeer still have to be fed and watered, the presents have to be put into the stockings (without waking the children) and the turkey needs to be put into the oven. You get to bed in the small hours but the turkey alarm wakes you up as soon as your head hits the pillow. Although it has been defrosting since November, when it comes to Christmas Eve, it is still covered in icicles.
Everything is left to the woman of the house at this wonderful time of year. In fact, all things Christmas are left to the females in the family, even buying and wrapping their own presents. I fear that sexism reigns even on this day of caring and ‘sharing’.
On the other hand, there are the couples that are totally unaware of anyone else at Christmas-time. The provide each other with overly large boxes wrapped with the most expensive paper and tied with ribbons and fancy string to show off their love and affection and rub it in the noses of all the lonely singletons out there.
There is a moment of magic when everyone opens their presents and find a few things they like but this is swiftly followed by the wails of a small child who didn’t get what they asked for. This stops as soon as they get their greedy mitts on a toy they did want (which we know will end up on eBay before the year is out). Old people serve quite a good function at Christmas, because they are usually the rudest or the ones who fall asleep first or voice their opinions loudly. We buy presents then find the recipients trying to hide their disappointment because they don’t actually like it.
Everyone should turn vegetarian for Christmas dinner, it would be so much easier.
Christmas crackers don’t exactly provide anyone with ‘presents’ but they do give everyone a chance to wear paper hats and look like a complete wally.
Then the kitchen looks as if a bomb’s hit it. This is the time when everyone (apart from Mum) lounges in front of the television, discarding all the gifts and wrapping paper surrounding them.
All those hours of preparation and it’s over in 24 hours. And then it’s off to the sales on Boxing Day to start the whole process in time for next year. Who’s excited?!
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